I’m letting go of the faded story
that doesn’t fit me anymore
though parts must remain, the foundation
of this new thing I’ve become
reality shimmers,
a lake that looks like glass
solid and strong, the sky
reflecting back on its surface, the water
implying permanence and strength, because
our souls want to believe in this world
in flesh and earth and sky,
except the sky isn’t solid
it’s just a name we call the endlessness
above us, with invisible roads
our thick bones pass right through
my terrestrial world is flickering,
has flickered,
and now it’s all rippling
because someone threw a stone
onto the surface of my illusion
now the sky is bending and heaving,
the trees are dancing,
my surface is broken open
and the endlessness is mine
it was always there, beneath
the placid skin that was the shape of me
grief is like depression, but not really
I am still myself, but my old tools are useless
broken and weak, I need new tools
words and adventures, a purpose
I need a purpose–all love and presence
I don’t care about the discarded tools
they weren’t real either