A Fragile Spring

when winter’s cold fingers, at last, uncurl
and spring finally comes, it comes:
buds exploding open in the weak April sun
the sharp air softening,
so many things changing at once
it’s impossible to mark them all

the sky deepening to cobalt at noon,
the raptors circling on warm currents,
the yellowing of goldfinches
the great unfolding–
tulips, magnolia, cherry blossoms
vivid confetti decorating my yard

my own spring is long gone
but I don’t envy this newness
I dread its brevity, its fragility
the threat of spring’s early demise
is my biggest fear
calamity looms – the kind of threat
that destroys the sparrow’s newly made nest
that dries the nectarines on the branch

a dark storm could thrust us
too soon into summer,
with its heavy, saturated days
making short work of this bright innocence

Old Tools

I’m letting go of the faded story
that doesn’t fit me anymore
though parts must remain, the foundation
of this new thing I’ve become

reality shimmers,
a lake that looks like glass
solid and strong, the sky
reflecting back on its surface, the water
implying permanence and strength, because
our souls want to believe in this world
in flesh and earth and sky,
except the sky isn’t solid

it’s just a name we call the endlessness
above us, with invisible roads
our thick bones pass right through
my terrestrial world is flickering,
has flickered,
and now it’s all rippling
because someone threw a stone
onto the surface of my illusion

now the sky is bending and heaving,
the trees are dancing,
my surface is broken open
and the endlessness is mine
it was always there, beneath
the placid skin that was the shape of me

grief is like depression, but not really
I am still myself, but my old tools are useless
broken and weak, I need new tools
words and adventures, a purpose
I need a purpose–all love and presence
I don’t care about the discarded tools
they weren’t real either

Impatience

sometimes March disappoints, taking
too long to push out the morning chill
letting the cold linger, except at mid-day
when the sky puts on its coat of blue
and the crocuses push through the cold soil
content with the brief warmth
of the noon sun

spring is framed in those first flowers,
in the green of tulips yet to be
and, of course,
the birds know it’s time
the cardinal’s song is changing,
the goldfinches are beginning
to flicker like bright rays of sunlight
through my nectarine tree

today the grass is waking up
greening in patches
like emerald stratus clouds on my lawn
I raked the the spent seed below the feeders
and the breeze against my face
felt gentler, the persistent chill, softer
as if March was sighing into April