Remembered Beginning

I was unprepared
for the feel of your hair pulling free
with every brushstroke.
I wasn't up to autumn
from the side of your hospital bed.
It was too much for the universe to ask.
But, like you, I was choiceless
as I drove through November streets
the colors, drained and faded,
like your face when the chemo went in.
reduced to nothing more
than what I was when you were born.
I helped cover your exposed head,
I tried to stop your tears.
And now?
I'm wondering about faith.
Where should I place mine
if not in I.V. poles and gloved hands?